Fragments Salvaged
from Deactivated
Social Media Accounts
2010–2017

Midway through the series you’re able to stop focussing on Nicole Kidman’s facial surgery and concentrate on her performance. And her facial surgery.

We were somewhere in California. Obama was staying with us. It was understood that the modesty of our accommodations wasn’t a problem, now that he was no longer president. He looked 30 years younger than when we had last seen him. How we had missed him! I commented on what a tremendous relief it must be to be out of office. Even though we had been friends for years, I felt formal and self-conscious addressing him.

The next day, we would attend a rally in Oakland. I asked how many would be there. 10, 20 or 100,000, it was thought. Leaving the building, I thought, all we would need to chant would be “Obama.” That would stand for everything we needed to say.
On her way to the bathroom she overhears her coworker, an office wit with whom she has occasionally flirted, describe her appearance in unflattering terms. Humiliated, she hurries to the mirror and stares at herself in disbelief. How had she not noticed this before? With her recent weight gain and new hair cut, she bears a disconcerting resemblance to Oscar Wilde. For the rest of the day she can’t bring herself to meet anyone’s eyes, and over the next few weeks becomes convinced that anytime she hears someone laugh, they are remembering her friend’s comment.

She begins drinking at lunch. Friends comment she no longer seems like “her old self.” She spends as much time as possible alone in the bathroom. One day she grips the frame of the toilet stall on either side and on sudden impulse smashes her forehead as hard as she can into the sharp edge. After the initial blast of pain subsides, and numbness spreads from her teeth to her jaw and right arm, It feels good. Her inner and outer worlds have reached equilibrium.
By the time you get her attention, the bartender already seems annoyed. You’re getting that a lot lately. You expect it, really. You give her a short nod, turn and head out into the rain. You’re coming down with your third cold of the season and there’s something wrong with your legs. Your father died 20 years ago today. The earnest, dignified man you remember could be your brother now. Limping home in your wet coat, almost comical in your desolation, you wonder. In 20 years, will anyone raise a toast in your memory?

For years I saw him once a day with his after-work drink and loosened tie, desultorily watering the lawn with his free hand. After a few minutes she’d join him, feline and svelte, smoking a cigarette and regarding him through narrowed eyes. When he’d finished his drink he’d throw the ice in the bushes before they went back inside. I never figured out if they hated each other or were deeply in love.

symptom: fatigue
diagnosis: fatigue

Vacation that year
1) 75 foot “Do not act like a savage in a savage’s house” inscription carved on side of dune, documented
2) appearance of white rainbow on beach, undocumented
3) bright blue plastic bag caught in beach grass
4) invitation to neighbor’s cocktail party as pretext for vacating parking space
5) Rudolf Zwirner
6) Police find E. asleep in car near Dulles Airport. Subsequent drug-fueled chase, collisions, “malicious wounding”
7) Mark Bittman at Orleans Stop ‘n Shop
8) Continued invisibility to population under 25
9) No shit, a white rainbow.

The few minutes each evening this time of year when the back windows flood with wild monkey light and birdcalls echo through the trees. Something in you lifts and you feel the heaviness of who you are, and the burden you have placed upon yourself and those around you.